Broken Hearts

In Loving Memory of
Meah
unknown- January 27th, 2009

Not so long ago, if you remember,
our family was given a wonderful gift pony.
Meah was instantly... and I do mean INSTANTLY...
adored by our sweet, tender daughter.

Immediate and Intimate friendship.
Every girl ought to experience that incredible bond with an equine
at least once in a lifetime.

Meah would stand for hours to be groomed
and have her mane braided.
Our Tender-heart practiced plaiting Meah's tail for days on end.
Sometimes they would just walk together.
Mostly, Tender-heart would hop on bare back and
wander the depths of adventure and imagination...
all shared with her most beloved pony friend.

Hair-tied-in-knots also loved Meah deeply.
Meah gave her confidence
and earned her trust.
Meah took care of my girls.
To me, Meah was priceless!!

A Terrible illness robbed sweet Meah's body.
We fought for her
but her body continued to fail.
The worst decision ever was necessary.

In the end, good-byes were spoken and shared
while tears fell.
All those who witnessed it were deeply affected
and none will ever question the bond
that was inscribed on the hearts of my girls.

My sweet Tender-heart is incredibly courageous.
I wanted to buffer the pain and offered to turn Meah over to our vet
in that final decision.
She chose to lead her best friend to the finish line.
More unspoken goodbyes hung in the air.
Quietly, and gently, she removed the halter she'd chosen so carefully
for her Meah-girl only a short 11 months ago.
She rubbed her muzzle and said goodbye.
It was the courage of love...

When I took this picture, my heart swelled because it perfectly
captured my daughter's heart.
And now, it rips my heart out.

And still.... I am ever so thankful that my tender girl
can say she's experienced
that unspeakable, heart-wrenching bond.
Her heart is broken but
she knows what it is to love deeply.

Fragile

A young teenage boy is riding his bicycle. To where? I don't know. Apparently listening to his ipod, he was possibly in his own world with a favorite song in his ear. It was a great summer day for a bike ride. And then....

...he crossed the road without looking... or listening. In a moment- gone!

A man is going about his afternoon doing his job, I imagine. He's driving a heavy tri-axle dump truck loaded with gravel. Tons of gravel. I don't know what stresses his daily life holds but I know the nature of life. They are there. It was a great summer day even if he had to be working. And then....

...a boy on a bicycle turns right into the path of his truck. In a moment! There's no time to stop, 'tho he tries. The truck screeches and leaves a black path of rubber before stopping in a soy bean field.

It's not the opening for a novel. It's a true story that transpired just yesterday afternoon. It was around 2:30. The girls and I were checking out some groceries at our local small town IGA. We heard the sirens from the fire house across the street. Looking out the glass windows that are the front of the store, the cashier and I saw several emergency vehicles go screaming around the corner heading south. Both of us were concerned. Something told me that whatever call for help they were answering was BAD. The cashier expressed the same concern. I told her that it causes me to pray hard. She agreed.

As we pulled out of the parking lot, I glanced down the road headed south and saw the lights south of town. That feeling still lingering... it's BAD.

Today we got hay. We purchase hay from a gentleman who has become a dear friend to us. He and his family are wonderful people who are like extended family to us. He asked if our girls rode their bikes much... "yep"... "On the road?"... "no. Around the yard and on the driveway.".... He was sitting at the intersection waiting to turn when the boy crossed right in front of the gravel truck. A witness to that horrific event. He did not sleep well last night. Shaken to the depths of his soul is not an exaggeration.

Fragile.

Life is so very fragile.

In a moment, EVERYTHING can change.

Yesterday, our sweet Hair-Tied-In-Knots was pushing a bicycle over a landscape timber.. just to get it to the other side so she could ride it. It bounced up and attacked her. Her poor sweet smile was now covered in blood. I still don't understand how that thing did the damage that it did to her mouth. It was just one of those things... a freak thing, I guess. But she's now worried about smiling and someone seeing her bloodied, torn up gums. Her teeth are sore and she suffered some chips. It hurt and still hurt my mommy heart... and Gram's heart... and GDude's heart... and Daddy's heart --- Probably not as much as her mouth hurts. But chipped and bloody... we still have her here with us.

Oh Lord! Be quick to comfort that boy's family! Give them peace that ONLY You can give. Be with that man who was driving. Be with our dear friend who witnessed the accident. Give them Peace... Comfort... and Your Love!

It was a great summer day!

In a moment...

FRAGILE!!

Since you're peeking in...

I thought I should alert you to the fact that I'm a little strange (as if you hadn't already noticed!). LOL One of my favorite comedy routines was by a Christian comedian popular in the 80's named Mike Warneke. He pointed out that what is strange to a strange person is normal to a normal person. And what is normal to a strange person is strange to a normal person. Mr. Warneke delivered it with great humor. But it's so true.



It occurred to me the last couple of days that grief and I don't form a normal picture. At least, not what *I* think is normal.

To the onlooker... looking from the outside... it may appear that I am cold and stoic. In fact, I am quite the opposite. I'm a very sympathetic and sensitive person... too much so at times. For some reason, when facing loss and the resulting grief, I go into a shock state for a while. Maybe it's not shock. Possibly it is denial. Or could it be a combination of the two? No matter, it takes a while for the full influence of grief to hit me.

The really annoying thing is that it usually hits me at very inconvenient times. You know, like while driving. It's not really conducive to safe driving methods to suddenly burst into shuddering sobs. Or in the middle of the grocery store! Now that's just not pretty! Thankfully, my good-man-Charlie-Brown does the grocery shopping (he can stick to the budget better than I ;) ). While playing the piano for a church service... not dangerous but extremely annoying. Breaking down in any public place is humbling to say the least.



I can think back to the losses in my life and see this pattern flawlessly marking my life. Sometimes it's hours. Sometimes it is days. At some point, the dam breaks and it all floods out in a torrential, rushing... blubbering... snotty mess!!

Yet, when it happens to others... I don't think them strange. Not in the least. In fact, I find it difficult, if not impossible, to restrain myself from wrapping my arms around the person and lending my shoulder (small as it may be) for them to snot on. I mean... I have children... it's not the first time I've had snot deposited on my shirt. I'm sure it won't be the last. If you need sympathy or a shoulder, I'm your girl!

And I WON'T think you strange. On the contrary, you're quite normal... because... after all, what's strange to a normal person is normal to a strange person! It's true! Think about it!