Mother Mourning Dove

Life is Hard

Earnest Hemingway once said that when you're having a hard time writing, start with one true statement.

Life is hard.

It is just simply hard.

Life has no respect for stages.
It is hard to be an infant and to be completely reliant on others for your needs. That is especially difficult for the neglected, abused and abandoned.
It is hard to be a child (although I rather relish my childhood as a time when life was easy). But there is a struggle to conform and comply without complete understanding.

It is terribly difficult to be a teenager- excruciating! No money in the world could get me to relive those years. The only value in that would be to correct the many mistakes I made. It is a time caught between childhood and adulthood that my own father has coined "the inhuman stage".
It is not easy to be a college student with the demand of decisions, assignments and responsibilities weighing you down. And the burden is further augmented by the constant reminder that "the direction of your life is dependent on the decision you make".

And then the school of "Real Life" looms ahead. And the twenty something stands at its gate armed with all the education packed in their bag and the misconception that they now "know how" (at least, that's what I thought). Why do we not warn them that they may have mastered the art of education but they are now beginners again as they enter this thing called "Real Life"? Life does not conform to text books. It just does NOT!

And truthfully, we never stop being beginners in this thing we call life.

I have not yet reached the latter years of life expectancy but one thing I am sure of is that life will continue to be hard. And as one who has always been rather independent, I've no doubt that an elderly return to dependency will not be easy.

Life is hard!! It's extremely hard.

And I've struggled with keeping up this blog for that very reason.
To open the curtains and allow others to peek in my window requires a willingness to be somewhat vulnerable. And life is already difficult without allowing others to look in.
And I don't want to sound like a constant dripping. I know all too well how whining can wear on the nerves. We need optimism and hope.
And quite frankly, my life is none of your business. You have your own life to deal with.
By opening my window, I become vulnerable to your opinions, your assumptions and possibly your criticism. Life is already hard enough.
We need camaraderie.

And as much as I have an aversion to being criticized, judged or looked poorly upon... and as often as I feel like locking the windows and closing the curtains... somehow, I still have this deep compelling urge to open the curtains (if only a crack) and unlock the window so that you can peek inside. So that you can see that indeed, my life is hard too.

Our family sits on the uncertainty of job security in an industry traveling through bankruptcy courts. And our cushion is a budget squeezed to choking (a product of our own decisions- mistakes and all). We're uncomfortable and yet we gain wisdom. We're concerned and even scared and yet we gain confidence. We're angry and yet we gain grace... compassion... understanding.

Because when I look around me I see a true statement:

Life is Hard.




For me, only one thing remains constant...
I cannot be separated from the Love of God.
-Romans 8:35-39

Royal Transportation

Around here, he is sure he is a prince!
One of royal blood
Destined to be a show dog
Who also loves to watch "Animal Planet" at Gram & GDude's house.

"Milton! Do you want a ride?"
"Come here Milton! Hop in!"

He seriously gets in that truck by himself.

And he happily sits while his royal transportation
takes him wherever he desires.

I think he knows that TRUCKS RULE!

But then again....

It could be that he prefers the drivers!

Sand Plum Scent

I wish you could scratch & sniff these!

The smell is heavenly!
Its scent holds just the right amount of sweetness
without being over powering.
And there's the slightest hind of ...hmmm...
the scent of sand... beach... earthy-ness?

Sadly, their bloom is short-lived
so you must spend as much time as possible
with your nose in the bush
while it's in bloom.

Just watch out for the bees!

Abated.

So... I've been paying close attention to the current events of the day, as are you. I hear the media (bleh!), do my own research (often disputing the talking heads) and shake my head. I don't want to be an alarmist, but I am alarmed! Nor do I wish to fall into some category of "kooky conspiracy theorist", but shall I be so naive as to believe there's not an abundance of deception in the events of our world today? No. I think that belief would lack all manner of discernment.

These are difficult times. More layoffs in our area have targeted people I love dearly. It is frightening... uncertain... VERY stressful. And while we're concentrating on our daily struggles, our government seems to be sneaking around behind our backs. Truly! I won't list them all here... if you go nibbing around the internet, you'll find it all. But I have to say that there's very little, if anything, in that giant "stimulus bill" that will add one penny to our pockets. (Forgive me... I'm a busy mom & I haven't reached the end of those 1000+ pages... I think it's something like 1464 pages and I'm not to page 50 yet!!) Seriously! Do you know how many dollars that $800 tax break will add to our pockets? It's a joke! Did you fall for it?

And I'm done with the whole democrat-republican thing. REALLY DONE!! Don't ask me which I support because I no longer support either based on their "camp". D.O.N.E. Just give me one upstanding, honest, ethical American who cares about this country more than any label! (Ok... that's just one among many of my wishes) No more politically correct letters for me thanks! I don't do gagging and vomit sends me RUNNING!

I'm not just alarmed. And I'm not just skeptical. I am ANGRY! I am angry that the people I love.. friends and family alike... who have worked HARD... who go to work everyday,- get their hands dirty- engage in hours of hard physical labor, -pay their bills (& their taxes!) - are being thrown in the mud. I am ANGRY that our American soldiers are risking, and some losing, their lives for FREEDOM while our greedy, dirty politicians are taking FREEDOMS away from Americans. ANGRY!!!! FURIOUS!!!

Oh! And don't forget to pay YOUR taxes lest you be thrown in jail... unless, of course, you are a person of prominence. But wait! Martha Stewart went to prison... hmmmm... guess she didn't have the right connections. Sorry Martha. I guess you're more like the rest of us than you'd probably like to believe.

Sigh....

And then I go to tuck my kiddos into bed this evening...

We're still answering lots of questions about what happens to our animals when they die. LOTS of deep thinking goes on in this house. That makes me happy because my desire is that my children learn HOW TO THINK FOR THEMSELVES. They must! And when it comes to matters of faith, it is imperative that they think for themselves - absolutely IMPERATIVE!

I tend not to give answers... rather, I ask more questions. I ask them to share their ideas. Eventually, I do share my thoughts and what I believe are the "answers" to their questions. Sometimes I don't know the answer to their question- and I tell them that too. We talk about the possibilities and we discuss what we DO know. Often, we resolve to look into a matter further. I LOVE learning! I hope they catch that love too.

But I stray...

Tonight the conversation was deeply thought provoking... profoundly so for an eight year old and a ten year old. They were very engaging. The conversation ended with a request to read about Jesus' birth tomorrow. (I swear the Spirit danced within me!) Of course!

"Night-night... sleep tight.... don't let the bed bugs bite.... "

I quietly made my way downstairs and immediately sought my Sailor-man. I had to share our conversation with him... even if he was almost in dream-land. He never begrudges me for such things. (He's awesome!)

Suddenly, two little girls appear. They want to know if they can read their Bible before they go to sleep. (Yep! The angels rejoice- I think I heard them!) I had a better idea... we didn't wait until tomorrow to read their requested passages. They even wanted to hear both accounts of Jesus' birth (Matthew & Luke).

Abated....

"For he, the Mighty One, is holy, and he has done great things for me.
His mercy goes on from generation to generation, to all who fear him."
-from Luke 1:46-55

And for my friends and family, whom I love dearly!!!! - We're in this mess together! I am praying continually!

"So I tell you, don't worry about everyday life- whether you have enough food to eat or clothes to wear. For life consists of far more than food and clothing. Look at the ravens. They don't need to plant or harvest or put food in barns because God feeds them. And you are far more valuable to HIM than any birds! ...

...And if God cares so wonderfully for flowers that are here today and gone tomorrow, won't he more surely care for you?" - from Luke 12:22+

Opposite

Broken Hearts

In Loving Memory of
Meah
unknown- January 27th, 2009

Not so long ago, if you remember,
our family was given a wonderful gift pony.
Meah was instantly... and I do mean INSTANTLY...
adored by our sweet, tender daughter.

Immediate and Intimate friendship.
Every girl ought to experience that incredible bond with an equine
at least once in a lifetime.

Meah would stand for hours to be groomed
and have her mane braided.
Our Tender-heart practiced plaiting Meah's tail for days on end.
Sometimes they would just walk together.
Mostly, Tender-heart would hop on bare back and
wander the depths of adventure and imagination...
all shared with her most beloved pony friend.

Hair-tied-in-knots also loved Meah deeply.
Meah gave her confidence
and earned her trust.
Meah took care of my girls.
To me, Meah was priceless!!

A Terrible illness robbed sweet Meah's body.
We fought for her
but her body continued to fail.
The worst decision ever was necessary.

In the end, good-byes were spoken and shared
while tears fell.
All those who witnessed it were deeply affected
and none will ever question the bond
that was inscribed on the hearts of my girls.

My sweet Tender-heart is incredibly courageous.
I wanted to buffer the pain and offered to turn Meah over to our vet
in that final decision.
She chose to lead her best friend to the finish line.
More unspoken goodbyes hung in the air.
Quietly, and gently, she removed the halter she'd chosen so carefully
for her Meah-girl only a short 11 months ago.
She rubbed her muzzle and said goodbye.
It was the courage of love...

When I took this picture, my heart swelled because it perfectly
captured my daughter's heart.
And now, it rips my heart out.

And still.... I am ever so thankful that my tender girl
can say she's experienced
that unspeakable, heart-wrenching bond.
Her heart is broken but
she knows what it is to love deeply.