My Sailor-man & I have entered into a new stage of parenting called "Parenting teenagers". We entered this stage with our knee pads strapped on tightly. We know they'll help ward off the ache and pain that comes from spending much time down on our knees. Suddenly, we don't have the same amount of cushion around those joints that we used to. Bummer! Hopefully, no medication will be required to bring us out of this stage! (I jest!... hopefully!)
Months ago, I came across a piece of wisdom from another parent who has successfully survived parenting four teenagers across these churning seas. They explained their greatest tool- the DO OVER.
It makes sense. During this heightened time of change, our children are trying to become adults. It comes with much trial and error. And one of the areas that seems to be universally difficult is communication. The child now stretches his arms and attempts to express his own ideas. The problem is that they don't always express themselves in a manner that is truly "adult". When it comes down to it, some adults are still struggling to express themselves with maturity. So how can we expect them to get it right the first time? They need practice. And so...
the DO OVER!
Our teenager's failed attempt to express herself has a natural tendency to produce a response that might sound something like this: "How DARE you talk to me that way? I brought you into this world and I'll take you OUT!" (hahaha... I loved The Cosby Show! Do you remember that episode where Bill Cosby tells Theo that? Hilarious!) And of course, what this produces in an already explosive set of hormones is worse than the original failed attempt. Typically, fires flare up like wild fire and before you know it, someone is running for the closest fire extinguisher. It's not pretty.
But with this great tool called the DO OVER, a parent can simply remain calm and grant this "adult-in-the-making" a DO OVER. There are many ways to successfully activate the DO OVER. You can be long winded..."I understand you're trying to explain yourself but that wasn't the best manner in which to do it. How about a DO OVER?" This is good when you're feeling patient, having a great day, and in a nothing-can-make-me-mad mood. BUT! The DO OVER also works in a short version... "How about a DO OVER?" or simply "Wait. DO OVER." This is good when your day hasn't gone so well, you've next to no patience left, and you feel your blood pressure rising rapidly. Just take that one quick breath needed to get "DO OVER" from the tongue and past the lips.
And even better...
There are NO LIMITS to the DO OVER! I mean... this isn't baseball where it's three strikes and youuuuuuu'rrrrrrreeeeee OUT!
NOPE!
You can give as many DO OVERS as needed.
What a wonderful gem!
Give it a try!
© 2009
All images property of Jodie L Hemersbach
Do not copy, capture, print or steal.
P.S. DO OVERS don't have age limits either! They're like Roll-over minutes! They never expire!
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